Not quite Martha Stewart, but...

I like reading pins and articles in my FB feeds about tips for organising as much as the next person *looks around*. Whether it's de-cluttering, organising, tips for managing morning madness with kids - I'm no Martha Stewart- but I love them. I've read so many, but I still click and click thinking there will be some new jewel that will make things totally fall into place and make my home resemble something out of a magazine. Or at least something I don't have to apologise for when someone new comes to visit.

But I've come to realise, that most of these articles are pure common sense. As an ex-stage manager and current PA and mum, the pickings for learning is getting a little slim. With the exception of learning about capsule wardrobes last year (if you don't know about this, check it out. It's probably really what your wardrobe is in essence once you remove the clothes you actually don't like/don't wear/or doesn't fit into anymore, anyway!). That was a lightning bolt moment!

But if I read one more article that claims to change your life with organising/de-cluttering tips such as throwing away towels that are riddled with holes, using labels or storing similar toys into the one container, I think I will scream into my pillow (that was previously folded in an attempt at this, courtesy of Martha Stewart).

I'm far from perfect, but I'm not a complete lost case. I regularly get change from the bank and keep it in my car so I never have to think about parking meter money (handy considering I am usually running late for work). I keep loose change in the house specifically for last minute excursion notes. I have a shoe hanging over the door thing in the hallway for keeping our gloves, sunglasses, random accessories for me and the three kids. I usually have a couple of meals up my sleeve in the freezer and do my banking online. I have a couple of random back up presents and cards incase I forget to buy for a party that weekend.

So seriously, can people who write these articles at least give them a rating, so I know whether to read or not? Something like:

• Beginner level. i.e. you've just moved out of home.
• Advanced level. i.e. you have been living in the real world for a bit and function quite well.

Or my least favourite:

• Advertorial. I'm going to attempt to write an article which seamlessly weaves in the product I'm being paid for. (hey, I'm not begrudging people making a living from writing, but come on, these can be just as hard to read as they must be to write in a way that is interesting).

The reality is, that most of the best tips I've gotten are from having casual conversations with my friends anyway.
But if one of them starts to sell me a chux wipe mid conversation, I'm pulling out my pillow... 

I heart NY

For years I have carried this journal around in a box with other random stuff I don't look at. (c'mon we all do that righhht?). I've never been a serious journaller, but when I fulfilled a dream of travelling by myself to New York and Pittsburgh, I made notes of things I had seen and done that day. I noted some great places I ate in Pittsburgh, how it was meeting in person for the first time someone I had been writing to as a pen pal for years, and experiences like walking across the Brooklyn Bridge, through Central Park, and seeing theatre shows and art exhibitions.

It reminded me of the 20 plus hour train trip from New York to Pittsburgh. The trip ended up taking so long took because there was a fatality on the track and so the train was stopped for hours in the middle of the night who knows where. I remember how eerie it was waiting in the still, cold carriage alone until I met an older African American woman called Helen. It turned out she was diabetic and we befriended each other before I found us some blankets and looked where we could buy food for her levels (note, Amtrak service back then was beyond appalling).

Earlier that trip I had met Eric who started talking to me because I was reading a Raymond Carver novel. His eyes lit up and he lent me one of his Bukowski books, but I commented that "I'm still not sure what to make of them. A lot seem to involve drink and women. We discussed literature, relationships, and tried to guess each other's name. It turned out he was schizophrenic, so it was interesting to hear him articulate how he viewed the world as a schizophrenic, before the medication worked."

I also commented on brief exchanges with strangers - the man in the dinner who good naturedly mimicked my Australian accent when I bought coffee and a bagel, the passerby who complimented me on my outfit saying it was clear I was not American as they are too concerned with putting together a look. The brief friendship I made with Shae while I was staying at The Gershwin, who was taking a break from her partner because he was taking up too much of her energy and she needed to refocus on herself and her art. I think travelling or doing anything alone opens yourself up to new experiences and people you may not notice or invest in when you are with someone else.

I also made these self reflections all those years ago. I'm going to write them here as they are things I still need to focus on! They're probably a little naive to read now, but the intention is there:

1. I am ok and I need to like myself. I can have many facets, but I can't be everything or everyone.  I don't have to prove anything or be anything. My expectations, goals, interests, capabilities are not humble or little, they are mine. 
2. Independence is important. Being able to think, act and make decisions alone is important. 
3. Relationships are important. I need to express to those close to me how I feel.
4. I will be the only person to stop myself from achieving my goals.
5. I can do whatever I want and not let what other people may think of it, stop me. I create my own enjoyment, fulfilment and those around me will understand that, for that is what they are doing also. 
6. I don't need to impress anyone.
7. Negative experiences don't need to affect me.
8. Passion for life is important. There is always something to do, learn, make, something to experience, someone to meet, some new yummy food to eat, some book to read, film or play to watch.
9. All experiences can be learned from.

I ended up throwing out the journal because it was peppered with commentary about my ex as we had just started seeing each other, and it irked me to read it. To be reminded there was a time when we felt strongly for each other, but that even then there were hints and questions I was asking myself about him then, which hinted as to why it would ultimately not work out between us.

(Side note - as a typical sign of the times, The Gershwin appears to now have been rebranded as a more upmarket motel.)

Road to Nowhere

Relationships.
It seems so many people are wondering when they're going to be in one, if they should end one, or if they're in the right one.

And the luckiest of us are grateful we're in a great one.

I'm pretty sure that's me. I've now been seeing my man for about 18 months, and on the whole he's great. Funny, smart, gorgeous and we have a great connection. We really enjoy being together, and my kids like him too. He's seen me at some pretty low points, and that didn't freak him out. We've had some pretty frank conversations and we're still together. He's got that really attractive thing going on where he can fix stuff and build stuff (well, I find that really appealing anyway!)

The first couple of months travelled well. We both wanted to take it slow as we didn't want to have another relationship fail on us, and there were also kids involved which we were very mindful of. But he saw the kids regularly, we saw each other when we could. Things for the first six months, were travelling pretty well - not too fast and not too slow. But for the last year it feels that things have come to a standstill. We've hit the part when things are starting to feel more real (i.e. some of that shiny gloss has faded away) but we still want to be together. However things feel like they aren't progressing. Because of work and schedules, he only sees the kids briefly and occasionally, and there are times when I would really appreciate his help, but he's just not available to step up.

I guess if I had to write a report card, I would write something like "Pays attention, but could try harder. Not much improvement has been made through the year." So I've written myself an email to remind myself, and am going to re-assess it in six months. I'm hoping I can give out one of those thumbs up stamps you used to get in primary school. Or a bumble bee with Excellent Effort!