To the Victor belong the Spoils

Elaine: So I guess you’re not going to Todd’s party on Friday.
George: Well I can’t now, Gwen’s going to be there.
Kramer: Well she should be the one that shouldn’t go.
Jerry: Well if a couple breaks up and have plans to go to a neutral place, who withdraws? What’s the ettiquite? 
Kramer: Excellent question.
Jerry: I think she should withdraw. She’s the breaker, he’s the breakee. He needs to get on with his life.
Elaine: I beg to differ.
Jerry: Really.
Elaine: He’s the *loser*. She’s the victor. To the victor belong the spoils.
Jerry: Well I don’t care, I don’t want to go anyway. I don’t want to fight that traffic on Friday night.

I was thinking about this - about winners and losers, about who gets what in the fall out of a separation or a new relationship. My ex and I have divided up the possessions in the house (and to be fair, I got to keep most of the furniture and appliances, being primary carer), which days he has the kids (and we have some flexibility there to suit both of us) and we've also worked out a draft property settlement that we just need to finalise with our solicitors.

However I'm now finalising the custody arrangements of the gym that I go to.

You see, she goes there as well, and she has been going there for longer than me. I've seen her there a couple of times, and the last time sent me into a downward spin that led me to have a bad week. Last week I pleaded to my ex that I can't have another week like that one, and that I can't afford to see her at the gym again.

So, through my ex as the intermediary, we easily negotiated when she and I would go to the gym during the week. Or, she specified the classes she goes to, and I agreed that suited me as that would be when I am back at work (which is in about 3 weeks - eek!). Knowing that I can go to the gym now without bumping into her or seeing her from a distance is such a relief.

However, the issue of weekend custody came up. I suggested I have Saturdays (which is generally the day I will not have the kids) and she have Sundays, but that is proving to be a sticking point. She wants to reserve the right to go Saturdays, after all as my ex says 'it's her gym'.

So it's not enough that she has managed to start up a relationship with my ex, but she can't give me Saturdays? Especially considering she is a SAHM and has more free time to go to the gym that I will have when I return back to the paid work force (disclaimer - please don't get me wrong here. I don't judge anyone for being a SAHM or a paid working mum. We all do what we need to/ can do. Except for her - I will judge her for anything!)

I know that I could bump into her at any point, such is the double ended sword of living in a big town/major regional centre - doing the shopping, popping down the street during my lunch break, when I go out for after work drinks - but I'm trying to put in place tools to help me manage this, or minimise this happening.

And to make matters worse, both my ex, and her ex are quite well known in town. Yesterday when catching up with a friend for coffee, I found out that some people in her ex's circle are already talking about the break up of our marriages, and that there are rumours circulating that my ex and her are seeing each other. (deep breath) I'm the kind of person that flies under the radar - I don't like the spot light at all.

So more reason for me to get my safe havens where I can.

Postscript - I've just been given Saturday mornings at the gym. Yay me!


Picture and extract from http://dailyseinfeld.com/post/5669958864