My World Implodes Again

Have you been unlucky enough to have had that feeling like your world is imploding? That there's so much pain you don't know how to cope so you find yourself hurtling between despair, anger, sadness and feeling just dead inside? Well the feeling I had here happened all over again yesterday.

So the short version if you're just catching up, is that my husband decided our marriage was over without entering into any conversation about it or wanting to work on it. A month after I gave birth to our third child, and we finished the recent renovations on our house.  He had fallen in love with a married woman with 2 young kids, who he had recently directed as Maria in The Sound of Music (can I hear a collective 'awwww, how sweet'?).

I knew it would be a matter of time before he would confess his feelings to her, but really she would have to have been brain dead not to have worked it out anyway. She knows he left me a month after the birth of our third child, plus they talk regularly and get along really well and I can imagine their conversations would have been loaded with innuendo and flirtation, just as ours used to be in the early days of courtship (yes, I used that word!). But I believed him when he told me time and time again that he cares for me and she doesn't know. And a small part of me hoped that she wouldn't feel the same way about him. Not so he would come back to me, but just to make things awkward for him.

But last night, my neighbours who have known her since before she was born, let it slip that she separated from her husband a couple of months ago.

Co-incidence? I think not.

So while I stood on the street, doubled over and hyperventilating and holding onto the pram to keep me from falling over, they comforted me, escorted me back into their home, talked me off the ledge and fed me. And made it clear their loyalties to my husband and her were over.

So yes, even in that shit storm, I can find something to be appreciative for.

And then a good friend came over to spend the night, and we had some drinks, and talked crassly like only women can when they have nothing to lose except a whole lotta pain.