The night my husband's special friend's husband called me up

Say What?

Firstly, I don't know how to refer to her. Special Friend can do for now.

So I knew that she had left her husband. A friend had inadvertently told me it had happened a couple of months ago (placing it around the same time as P had left me). But when questioned on it, P said told me to my face that it only happened in December and that he had no idea about it until she told him, after she left him.

But then last night when the boys were with their dad and baby I was sleeping, her husband called me on my home number. I still don't know how he got my number. I've only met him briefly once, and to be honest I don't even remember (probably because I was pregnant at the time!) All the feelings came flooding back while he talked - the sickness in the pit of my stomach, the cotton feeling in my head, the feeling that the floor is slipping away, the energy draining away from my body. To be honest I didn't have the focus to explain my side of the story or question him too much about events. I mainly listened.

So apparently she left her husband basically around the same time that P left me. Maybe a couple of weeks later.

He had called her one morning this week to discuss the kids, and she didn't answer, and then got really nervous when she thought he was at her new place. It turned out this was the morning that P badly scratched his car while driving out of his driveway (something he never does, he is an excellent driver). It looks very likely that they have already been spending nights together.

And then when asked about it continuously, she finally admitted to her husband that yes, they have just started up an 'intimate relationship'.

Like P, she has admitted to her husband that she has met someone who has made her feel alive and amazing. Like me, this man knew that something was changing around the time they met and started working together.
Like me, this man feels like a fool.

And P had looked me in the eye and said he was not going to be rushing into anything.

It all just feels like a huge slap in the face. To say the least.

How do I ever trust a man again?
And how do I continue to deflect when our oldest asks me why we separated?

* Disclaimer. Referring to her as his partner is premature, when they have just started seeing each other. It is however more succinct than "the woman my husband basically left me for as he believes that she is his soulmate."